Hotel “Panorama” in Malorechenskoye, Crimea

Crimea, it is on that and Crimea, to amaze and disappoint. Long-extinct ideas and behavioral patterns continue to live here, and the logic of actions of seemingly quite reasonable people is so distorted that explanations and objections die on approach. In Crimea, everywhere is expensive, often inconvenient and almost always meaningless – but this is its huge highlight. It is not necessary to make something out of crimea that it will never become: he is not the most capable child in the family, he will not receive all the peace prizes. You just have to love him.

Largely thanks to places such as the Panorama Hotel,Crimea is easy to love. Even though the road was difficult, and now something is suspiciously tapping in the car, the South Coast is still in place. Traditionally screeching administrator (in the Crimea they are all screeching, they are selected for their voice) will move into a dusty room – quickly, in forty minutes. Climb the rusted stairs, open the door hot from the direct rays of the sun, throw bags in the center of a tiny room, listen to the leaking toilet.

Go to the terrace, rest your eyes on the horizon smeared with seagulls, look at Meganom, breathe in the sea air – one, two, three. That’s it. Now hello, Crimea. How many years, how many winters. I hope I missed it.

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It’s not the place that paints a person… and no, it’s the place

If anything in Crimea matters other than history, it’s the sea, the sun, the mountains. From Micropotam to Kuchuk-Uzen, from sudak kadylyk of Kefinsky sanjak to Alushta urban district, Malorechenskoye – this could be good. But for now, there is, as it is, a living embodiment of unrealized potential.

Hotel “Panorama” is located between two small resort villages – Solnechnogorsk and Malorechensky. And the history of a million problems begins with this, because with transport communication is not dense, all that is that the highway Alushta-Sudak, on which you can take a taxi, buses or minibuses to get to the nearest big city. The calculation of hotel owners and local taverns is precisely on the fact that most tourists will be too lazy to sit in a stuffy kolymaga without air conditioning and drag half an hour to civilization. Therefore, let them live where they settled, eat what they give, and swim in the sea – it is large, there is enough for everyone.

Actually, it is: almost all those who came to Malorechenskoye leave here and leave – most often, never to return. And it’s so unfortunate that tears from the eyes, because “Panorama” got its name for a reason. It was built (by the way, not so long ago, in 2014, counting on the shoals of a fat Russian tourist) right on the mountain in a very good place, on a small cape. The view, which opens from the terraces of the hotel, is awesome – from Ayu-Dag to Cape Meganom, with all the overflows of the Black Sea, with a sinking horizon and smiles of pink-fingered Eos, who, as you know, lives somewhere on the South Coast and nothing else.

The five-storey hotel “Panorama” takes a visual – it is located in a murderously beautiful place, and its architecture – levels, a kind of ziggurat on minimals – allows you to admire the sea and not pay attention to reality. It’s not so alarming, but:

  • the hotel has its own parking under video surveillance of places for 20, quite inconvenient;
  • all floors are connected by external stairs;
  • the territory is open, without landscaping;
  • equipping of economy class rooms;
  • the location of the hotel is secluded, in other settlements it is necessary to get (on foot along the road or by car).

All the short life of “Panorama” inside it is a struggle of opposites, and while the living energy of the Crimea wins. Despite all the shortcomings, stupidities and outright inconveniences, “Panorama” will be remembered. However, the merits of the owners and staff in this will not be. At least on the good side.

Tip: Malorechenskoye is a sleepy kingdom, a village of a village, where, however, there is no hope for the gifts of agriculture in the local market. They don’t milk cows here, they milk them here… the sea, its fish and recreational resources. And to the gnashing of teeth do not like vacationers, even despite the fact that they live all year at the expense of the money that visitors leave in season. Therefore, it is better to buy products in food mags (yes, in the Crimea this name is in use) with refrigerators. Refrigerators, by the way, it is highly recommended to check whether they are turned on, or the sausage is refreshed at resort temperature.

Rooms, terraces and stairs

By all indications, the hotel “Panorama” is more of a small guest house than a mini-hotel. On four residential floors there are 29 rooms of approximately the same class. These are small rooms with a combined bathroom inside the bedroom (toilet through a thin wall from the head of the bed), with a minimum of equipment – refrigerator, air conditioning, TV. There is a hair dryer, a duty set of dishes, an electric kettle. On the territory catches weak WiFi, in most rooms there is no Internet.

Each room opens onto a shared wide terrace with a parapet, which offers the same panoramic view of the sea. There is a personal snack bar, which provides a table with a chair, a dryer for things and an umbrella.

Exit to the terrace – it is also the exit from the room, between the floors you need to move along welded stairs with metal handrails. It is especially convenient to hold on to them in the heat.

Attention! With cleaning in the rooms is bad, the maids simply do not reach, getting lost on the way from somewhere from Jupiter. Living in a hotel for ten days and not waiting for cleaning is quite realistic. Towels are changed even less often, so it is advisable to take your own.

What’s with nutrition

The Panorama Hotel has its own dining room, which is proudly called the Panorama Bar. In fact, this is not a bar, not a restaurant or even a cafeteria. This is a pre-order dining room: there are few employees, so the menu will be depressingly narrow, and the order for a meal should be made at least four hours in advance, and preferably in the morning for the evening. Of course, this is stupid and uncomfortable, but it is also good that for dinner they do not force you to finish eating what is left from lunch. On the other hand, if pilaf, then everyone eats pilaf and without options. And that is, the brazen vacationers who went, they give pickles. And the cook is one! Don’t like it, look for another place (c). However, the rudeness of the staff has a positive side: the dining room is always empty, you do not have to fight for a place.

Of course, this format has advantages: the dishes are fresh, predictable and the expected taste without frills. However, according to reviews, the portions are small. Of the unconditional advantages: it is possible to order dishes on the grill or something specific and favorite for a fee.

Ilma, Kaliningrad: “We were carefully recommended Panorama, we decided. Most of all, the hotel reminded me of the Amber Building of Artek, I was a pioneer there thirty years ago. Worse, of course, but the meaning is the same, with large glass doors on the sea. For me, the problem was nutrition, because we had two preschoolers with us. The food in the local institution is not bad, fresh, but too heavy, not very tasty, often oversalted, with some obviously store sauces. Children can not do this, so we went around all the canteens nearby, but there is horror and unsanitary conditions. We did not sit still, then in Alushta, then on the South Coast, so I was good at taking juices in bags, nuts and cookies for breakfast. Not very healthy, but the kids were happy.”

Attention! With the pension “Panorama” is surprising: breakfast in the price of the room is not included, do not even count. Why? The question is good, especially when you consider that by definition a guest yard involves a “bed and breakfast” format. The refrigerator in the rooms is tiny and low-power, two liter bottles of yogurt fit with great difficulty.

Beach & Beaches

Own ennobled or at least a little well-groomed beach at the hotel “Panorama” is not. A staircase from the body leads down and down… To a very small wild beach – narrow, under an overhanging rocky-clay wall. The peculiarity of the area is small pebbles mixed with either mud or sand, large salinized stones and an unpleasant entrance to the sea. After a storm or even a small disturbance at sea, the water is muddy, on the beach garbage, algae and dead inhabitants of the Black Sea waters. Wait until the water settles and cleans, you need at least a day.

Most guests prefer the near (descend five to ten minutes) beach public, they are located in any direction after one and a half to two kilometers. There is sand, and the strip is wider. People, of course, will be more. However, there are also no signs of civilization – no rescuers, no toilets, no water. But, they say, you can go diving.

Stranger Things: Rooftop Pool

The pride of the guest house is a small rectangular pool with lighting on the top floor, that is, actually on the roof. The water is disinfected with chlorine (the smell is simply impossible to confuse), so this pool is not particularly popular among guests. By and large, the pool in the hotel, which is actually on the sea – this is compensation from the administration for the lack of its own beach. Although they, of course, consider it a status toy.

Maria, Moscow: “The pool in Panorama is a terrible thing, I do not recommend it to anyone. I was stupid, allowed my daughter to splash there, then treated with dermatitis. How they disinfect the water is unknown, and hardly anyone controls it. “

Children in Panorama

The hotel accepts guests with children, but does not offer them traditional discounts in the segment and does not provide cots. Extra bed (yes, a pressed clamshell) – for a fee. There are no special rooms for guests with the smallest, but the hotel has a children’s room, and in the closed area there is a playground. From the rooms, the entire terrace is perfectly observed, so that children can play there, constantly being supervised.

However, it will be very difficult to live in Panorama with a child, and this must be understood before checking in:

  1. The guest house is connected by stairs, and they are quite uncomfortable, with a wide step. A young child will have to be carried in his arms, and these are elements of strength training. A long (more than 200 steps!) staircase leads to the beach and it is obvious that the child will also have to be carried there.
  2. Despite the rather comfortable and civilized appearance, the terraces are dangerous for children up to 6-10 years old, primarily because it is very easy to climb the parapet, and then tumble down. In addition, the terraces are not shaded, and during the day there is a scorching Crimean inferno, and not rest. There are umbrellas, but they are not fortified, and anyone, even the smallest breeze, can carry them to Nicaragua.
  3. The rooms are small, the child will literally have nowhere to turn. The bathroom is designed for adults, is located right in the center of the room, with hot water traditionally interruptions.
  4. Cleaned rarely and poorly, replacement towels can not be interrogated. Parents with children understand how much this all looks like a disaster.
  5. There is no children’s menu, the adult kitchen in the local dining room is not suitable for every child. Up to 14 years, it is not recommended at all.

According to reviews, the hotel administration allows itself to roughly pull off children. It is assumed that they will lead quieter than water, below the grass and not glow. Any manifestation of children’s cheerfulness, including noise, laughter, games, can cause an inadequate reaction in employees. All this must be taken into account before checking in, because changing the hotel in the middle of the vacation is still a quest.

Where to go and what to see nearby

In any nearby village you can find stands that offer excursions, guide services and general entertainment for every taste. In order not to go far, in malorechenskoye itself you can visit the museum of local lore at the school (if not vacations, local teachers will be pleasantly shocked by the interest in their really beautiful homeland), explore the Massandra vineyards around the village or go to the lighthouse temple (remake, built in 2006).

Must visit:

  • Jur-Jur waterfall;
  • to the Valley of Ghosts (Demerdzhi);
  • Karabi-Yaylu.

Longer and more systematic excursions – for example, to Sudak, to the historical places of the Genoese, it is better to book in Alushta or in the excursion bureaus online.

 

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Hotel “Panorama” is a stunning place that has spoiled the human factor. The guest house in Malorechenskoye has a huge potential due to its unique location and panorama of fifty kilometers of the sea coast. It would seem that kui millions, but the owners of the hotel again do what the last hundred years do all the owners of real estate in the Crimea: rent square meters. They feel that they almost grabbed the god by the beard, because in Malorechenskoye it is so beautiful and majestic that you can forgive a lot, but … suddenly it turns out that not all. Fungus in the shower to forgive does not work, as well as the rudeness of the staff, and boiled noodles in the dining room, and the lack of hot water, and the oblique staircase to the beach.

Therefore, nature is nature, but everything else – infrastructure, communications, material base of rooms, service, staff, unequiped and dangerous beach – almost destroys the hope for a good rest. Rest here can only be tolerable, and will suit long-suffering people who are able to overcome and distance themselves from the hardships of the world. And, interestingly: do not dare to leave negative reviews! The administration will not find time to clean the room, but to roll an angry refutation of three pages in the style of “look at yourself, what you thought, yourself to blame” – it’s always and with pleasure.